Monthly Archives: April 2014

Moiselle Red Moscato (3 out of 5)


This is the first time I have had to post a wine review without a picture. NO PICTURE. At all. On the Interwebs. So. I will describe the bottle. 

It’s an Aldi classic, of course. So either the wine is being produced without a trace (odd, even for Aldi), or it came from the New Mexico landfill full of the Atari cartridges. If it did, well, it aged well, because once chilled, it’s a pleasant diversion. The label has a red fooufy dress on it, frilly ass writing, etc. Most of the crap I normally would make fun of, but for some reason, I felt a need to get a sweeter red for Easter dinner, so this one won. Except my sister doesn’t drink sweet reds, so the pinot noir won out for that meal, and this bottle went in the fridge- for a whole week. Nervousness over upcoming tests led me to have one glass with a very late dinner. It was a very nice accompaniment to my late meal. Even without an image to show y’all what the bottle looks like.

It tastes of sweet cherries and a lot of peach. Normally, my dislike of peach would keep me from even trying it, but I don’t see a lot of wines that pair this coupling, and I was curious. I’m also trying to open up my sheltered existence somewhat, so I got it. I also believed that it would be delicious with ham (it would have been, sister. The pinot noir was all wrong for ham!), but didn’t try it with ham this evening. I had black beans tonight, a gluten free mini-margharita pizza, and a ton of jasmine rice. Guess what? It went well with that culinary hodge podge! So there.. it works. Anyway, it’s very light, no aftertaste, no heavy tannins at all, just a pleasant, mellow wine. And you really do not taste much of the peach- it’s mostly cherry wine, in my opinion (Jermaine Stewart would be pleased his song predicted a good wine such as this), and I LOVE that.

Aldi prices being reasonable beyond reasonable for retail folk, this wine goes for $4.99. Worth it. It just doesn’t have much in the way of everlasting substance. It’s light and frilly, kind of like that goofy ass dress on the label. In this case, the label didn’t lie. I had a hard time getting past the wine originally, because I thought it was named MOISETTE. I hate the word moist, and moisette is too close. Or it sounds like a delicious, battered, double chocolate donut of sin…. moiselle is a weird ass French name, so that gave me pause. But overall, none too shabby for a nice red moscato. Would recommend for a light meal. 


Charles & Charles Red Blend (2 out of 5)




D found this one for me about six weeks ago. I asked him to get me a few things for me from the Target, and he got me this, as well as the Tyler Florence wine I reviewed weeks back. This one did not ring as many bells. It didn’t outright disgust me, like some goopy Firecracker maple syrup wine I reviewed over a year ago, but it didn’t endear itself to me on the Infinite G Wine List. (Whine List? Different blog). I didn’t try a glass until last week, due to pesky health issues that have suddenly popped up, I really cannot drink much at all these days. D went for this one because there was some mention of Chuck Norris somewhere on the shelf. There is a blurb from Chuck on the bottle, but he is not involved in the making of the wine. Regrettable, as it may have helped. The Charles’ of record are one Charles Smith and one Charles Bieler, and they decided to go it alone with their wines because they didn’t care for the results of the winemaking tactics used by some vintners these days. I would like to try the Rose’ after reading about their process for harvesting that particular blend. This was not a horrid wine, it just didn’t make my ‘beyond one time wine’ list. 

This blend is Cabernet Sauvignon and Syrah (72%, 28%). There are a lot of notes of blackberry, violets, plum, and currant. There’s a lot of oak going around in this blend. I didn’t find myself wanting to drink a cigar wine, but that’s almost what it tasted like. This wine tasted what I imagine cigar smoke would, in a wine. Very odd, and very disconcerting. I was a bit surprised there weren’t remnants of ash at the bottom of my wineglass. The tannins also leave you a lot of a kick, but not the pleasant sort one would get after overdosing on hot wings. There’s a kick of pepper but it’s slight compared to the acrid kick of what tastes like vinegar (impossible, I am aware, but that’s what I taste). I paired it with barbecue pork, and it went okay, but due to the off-putting flavors, it didn’t mesh well with the sweetness of the pork, and therefore, it was not a good match. This wine would probably work well with steak. 

it’s a bit of an aggressive wine, and who doesn’t love an aggressive wine? I normally would, but in this situation, I do not dig. I advise carefully on this one. It has a great nose when you first uncork it, but after being aerated, it took on a whole different level of weird. I would, as I said, love to try the rose’, so maybe that’s my best bet with Charles & Charles. 

California Crush (Custom Blended Red) by Tyler Florence (4 out of 5)




I feel like I’m reviewing a fucking book instead of a bottle of wine. Why do the famous chefs who endorse or harvest their own line of wines have to write “by (blah blah blah)” on the label. As if the name sells the wine. Almost like the name of a certain shyster author who does creepy commercials selling his books on his name rather than the quality…hmmm.. I sense an epidemic of douchebaggery. on the part of the chefs. In this case, I’ll let him live, because I don’t mind Tyler Florence and his cooking show. He’s not lapping at buffalo labia, like Guy Fieri, so all is forgiven. And he’s not a singer trying to make up for his sad ass, lap puddling, pudding cuddling music by playing a winemaker, like our friend and fellow garbage thief Dave Matthews. 

The label is eye catching- a gorgeous blue and red label with embossed red on the name. Love it. Very classy, but not cheesy Americana type marketing like those lame fools at Wal-Mart selling expired potato salad on the 4th of July. I also like the price- Dylan picked it up for me and said it ran around $10.99 at Target. For the record? Worth. Every. Penny. The wine reviews on this blend are not kind ones. I beg to differ. I really enjoyed it. 

This is a custom blended red. Whatever the fuck that means. I believe it is a cabernet blend, although there may be a little shiraz in there. Since it’s such a smooth blend, though, I think it’s mostly cabernet sauvignon. There’s not much of a fragrance to this one, once you open it up and have a good whiff. It’s fleeting, like the stink of a bear shitting in the woods after eating bad clams. The taste is sublime, incredibly smooth and strong. Be not fooled, my wine children, it’s a strong bitch you’re sitting down to sip (how many relationships have THAT disclaimer?) . It’s 13.5%. One glass, and G is crashing on the couch like Miss Scarlett with a potentially fatal case of the vapors. Two glasses? G is writing this review. (You have been warned). Taste wise I can taste a ton of plum, some blackberry, a whole hell of a lot of berry. There is, regrettably, almost no spice to this wine. It’s very one-dimensional as far as taste. The thing that stands out is that there being almost no spice here, means there is nothing to turn me off, and therefore, one keeps drinking the wine. The first time I had a glass- the day Dylan picked it up for me- I had a real motherfucker of a sledgehammer whirling down upon my head after the fact. It took me two hours to drink one glass, and eight hours to get rid of the headache. However they’ve harvested those grapes, they’re true motherfucking migraine grapes. Oh yes, they exist. And they’re hanging with the Tyler Florence wine brigade in this bottle.

But as much as I am complaining about the headaches resulting from drinking the wine, I cannot get over how there is not a single bitter aftertaste to this wine. There is no lemon-puss face upon trying it, nor no lemon-puss face after drinking it, nor any after finishing the glass after it’s been exposed to open air for a while. It maintains its delicious equilibrium throughout. I cannot honestly say the last time I remember a wine that is just enjoyable and not tasting like bitter grapes. (Push away those bitter grapes. Bitter grapes. Michael Hutchence wouldn’t mind this, I don’t think.). I paired spinach tortellini with it last time, that didn’t work so well. Today I paired some gluten-free noodles with marinara sauce and it paired beautifully. If I owned a piece of steak, I would have fired that sucker up and tried it with this wine. I think it would have been stupendous. I do think it’s true pairing is with pasta, however. 

So my only complaint? is the headache. Both times I have had glasses I have had food in my stomach and ample glasses of water before and during the drinking of the wine. Both times? Killer headache. There are some long-lasting tannins in this wine, and that’s saying something. I also like a little pepper and spice in my reds usually, and there isn’t anything here. It’s just one-dimensional. But I didn’t mind it, because it’s such an even balanced wine. I would recommend it again. I would drink it again. I would likely not do so when i have to work the next day or get shit done, because you’re likely to be out on the couch like someone who splurged on too much pork, but it’s worth it.